


Pinkie Promise

by lestericalphan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Amazingphil - Freeform, Blood, Bullying, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Depression, Drunkenness, Existentialism, Fanfiction, M/M, Panic Attacks, Phan - Freeform, Phanfiction, Pinkie promise, Self-Harm, danisnotonfire - Freeform, sick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 13:59:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4922227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lestericalphan/pseuds/lestericalphan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dan and Phil decided as children to make a promise to be there, care and to help each other. The only question left is how long does a promise really last?</p><p>Author: @Lestericalphan<br/>Artist: @starrynightdaniel (http://starrynightdaniel.tumblr.com/)<br/>Beta: @asianellenpage (http://asianellenpage.tumblr.com/)</p><p>Word count: 10,100<br/>Warnings: Blood, Bullying, Existentialism, Self harm, Panic attacks, Depression, Sick, Spider mentions, drunkenness and Alcohol mentions. </p><p>Art for the fic: http://starrynightdaniel.tumblr.com/post/130409426527/this-is-the-art-i-made-for-this-amazing-story-for<br/>Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHteWXLkw2LlWP7vEHlDQDRLUonCwJHxp<br/>Wattpad:https://www.wattpad.com/story/51100134-pinkie-promise<br/>Tumblr: http://lestericalphan.tumblr.com/post/130409081638/pinkie-promise-masterpost</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Promise

**Author's Note:**

> Author's Note:
> 
> It's been a long time in the works but I can finally present this story for you all. Sorry in advance this is a pretty sad story overall but I hope you like it. I would like to thank my editor Charlie, artist Daniel and the whole PBB community for all the support. 
> 
> If you want to check out the amazing art the link is here: http://starrynightdaniel.tumblr.com/post/130409426527/this-is-the-art-i-made-for-this-amazing-story-for  
> and I made a little bonus playlist of music: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHteWXLkw2LlWP7vEHlDQDRLUonCwJHxp
> 
> Now go forth and enjoy the story!

"Dan! Phil's here." Mrs Howell shouted up the stairs calling Dan as she answered the soft knocking at the door. Dan and his Mum Mrs Lester were stood there, she was meek and smiling as always, dressed in her usual brown duffle coat and hat while Phil was dressed in a puffy black coat two sizes too big for him hiding behind her, Phil's sleepover bag in her hands.

"Hi Anna! Come in," greeted Mrs Howell, beckoning them both in from the light drizzle outside.

"Hi Linda. Thanks again for this, you've no idea how much this has helped me." She replied as she stepped inside, Phil following closely behind her.

"It's no trouble, really, seeing as I'm taking Dan to school anyway." Linda smiled at her before addressing Phil. "Hey Phil, you got all your stuff?" 

"Yes, I think so." Phil answered, shuffling and looking down at his feet nervously. His hair was already damp and messy from walking here and he tried flattening it before giving up. 

"It's all here, Linda." Anna assured, passing over his bag before she turned to Phil behind her. "You going to be okay?"  
  
Phil nodded hesitantly before looking up at her with his big eyes as big as orbs. "Do you have to go?"   
  
"Yes, you know I need to go to this seminar, and it’s for teachers only. We will both be having sleepovers and I'll be back to pick you up from school tomorrow," Anna answered.   
  
"Alright, but don't have too much fun without me." Phil chirped up, smiling up at his mother.   
  
"I won't, when I get back I'll make pancakes for you."   
  
"Really?" Phil asked excitedly.   
  
"Yes, really, now be good for Mrs Howell. I'll see you soon dear, I love you." Anna assured kissing Phil on the cheek.   
  
"I love you too." Phil warmly spoke as Anna straightened up.   
  
"Thanks again, Linda..."   
  
"Nope, I've heard it enough." Linda cheerfully declared, "now go on, you have a train to catch."   
  
"Bye Linda, goodbye Phil." Anna continued as she stepped out into the rain, straightening her hat as she walked away.   
  
Linda closed the door behind her again, calling up the stairs to Dan, "Dan, didn't you hear me? Phil's here."   
  
There was a thud from upstairs, followed by the creak of a door’s hinges. Then, the hurricane that was Dan came hurtling down the stairs, as quick as his small legs could carry him. He was already dressed in his Winnie the Pooh pyjamas and his brown hair neatly brushed ready for bed.   
  
"Phil!" He shouted in excitement, running up and hugging him before jumping back again realising Phil's coat was wet.

"Hey Dan." Phil giggled as Mrs Howell took his coat off him and helping him take of his shoes as Dan waffled on in their ears.    
  
"It's great to see you again, we are going to have so much fun. I've got it all planned out! We can have a Scooby Doo marathon then we can play Pokemon on my Gameboy or we can take it in turns then..."   
  
"Bed time," Mrs Howell sternly commanded shaking her head. "It's already getting late and you both have school tomorrow. No later than nine, Daniel."   
  
"Alright Mum, well at least you’re here, Phil!" Dan beamed, hugging Phil properly.   
  
"I've missed you too, Dan." Phil yawned, hugging back.   
  
"Phil, the bathroom’s upstairs, first door on your right and I'm sure you can remember where Dan's room is. I'll be downstairs if you boys need anything," she stressed, walking into the lounge.   
  
"Come on, Phil." Dan bossed, picking up Phil's bag and running up the stairs ahead of him, his feet making the sounds of a herd of fifty elephants. Phil followed him until they reached the comfort of Dan's bedroom.

His room was plastered with his drawings, paintings, glow in the dark stars as well as a few posters so that you couldn't see any of the brown walls. The spare mattress was already out on the floor in front of Dan's small TV, ready for Phil . The usual mess of the room had been pushed under the bed, the pile of clothes looking like a small creature was living there instead.  
  
"I like your PJ's, Dan," Phil mocked looking at Winnie the Pooh all over them.   
  
"Says you," Dan replied looking at the PJ's Phil was pulling out.   
  
"But they’re Pókemon PJ's!" Phil defended pulling them close to himself. "Nothing can compare to them."

"Okay, true," Dan sighed, sitting down on his bed. "They are pretty cool."   
  
“I’ll be back in a minute, don't get killed by any vampires before I get back. Wouldn't want to miss that” Phil smiled cheekily before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

While Phil was away, Dan lay upside down in his bed, head hanging off the end of it so all his hair was standing up on end until he spotted the upside down growlithe on Phil’s pj’s bobbing through the room making him roll over onto his stomach.

“So what do you want to do in this short amount of time we have, buddy?” Dan beamed, at Phil as he put away his clothes into his bag. “I mean, we have like an hour.”

“How about we tell ghost stories?” Phil suggested collapsing on to his mattress.

“But we could just watch Scooby Doo! They do all of that for us.” Dan whined, rolling around on his bed.

“Are we good friends, Dan?” Phil asked, and Dan nodded quickly. “Then let’s tell ghost stories instead, I brought my torch and everything! It will be fun.”

“But Phil! Scooby Doo..” Dan moaned.

“But Dan, you’re my friend and I’m the one sleeping over. We can watch it in the morning.” Phil argued.

“Alright, fine,” Dan agreed, secretly smiling to himself before sitting up. Phil scampered over turning the light switch off before grabbing his torch, crawling into Dan’s bed. He flicked the switch on and held it up to his face. He composed his face into complete seriousness before bursting into fits of giggles with Dan.

“Once upon a time I was eating my snack, when the room filled with bright light and a smell of fish. I was beamed into the sky! it made my thighs tingle. I was greeted by a terrifying alien. It looked like Dan mixed with a llama and  it kept screaming the word ‘placentas’."

"Eww, gross!" Dan laughed.

"Shh, and don't lie, you say it all the time."

"True, true." Dan admitted, lying back on some pillows behind him.

"Then began the experiments." Phil continued, "they removed my eyes and replaced it with chocolate. I looked in a mirror -- I looked disgusting! They mated me with Misty to begin colonising the new alien world. I named it ‘Drop-Drip’." Phil finished bursting into giggles.

"What was that?" Dan laughed, joining in Phil's giggles.

"I don't know! I just made it up." Phil smiled, passing the torch to Dan. “Your turn!”

“Nah, I am not creative at all.” Dan deflected, picking up the torch and pointing it toward the wall, making shadow animals out of his hands.

“Well, that’s a lie and you know it. You drew that really pretty picture of a flower in class and you write songs on the piano,” Phil pointed out.

“Well, your drawings are good too and you tell good stories.” Dan disclosed, smiling at Phil.

“They would be if Simon didn’t always purposely spill paint on them.” Phil sighed, fiddling with his fingers.

“Just ignore him, he’s an idiot. One day you’ll be an artist and he’ll be working as a dustbin man.” Dan declared, his shadow animals forgotten.

“Well it’s hard to ignore him when he pours paint everywhere.” Phil explained, “it’s not like you try to stop him either.”

“Are you alright, Phil? Do you want me to pour paint on his pictures?” Dan consoled, puffing up a little in anger at the idea of Simon.

“No, just... can we make a promise? Like to always be friends and help each other.” Phil confided.

“Sure, how long will it last for?”

“Forever and ever.”

“Sure, forever, because we will always be friends, right Phil?”

“Of course, Dan...Can we make it a pinkie promise, then?”

“The pinkiest of promises!” Dan chortled at the idea.

“Lets do it then, take my pinkie Dan.” Phil offered, taking Dan’s pinkie in his own. They gripped tight to each other fingers, looking each other with only an abandoned torch and nightlight at each other as Phil slowly spoke, thinking carefully over his words.

 

“ _I promise to always be there,_  
 _To always care._  
 _I will always help you,_  
 _And know that I'll make mistakes too._ ”

 

They both smiled at each other, letting the silence ring out. Nothing else mattered then but their friendship, being there, promising that this thing they had would never go. It was special and Phil always wanted it to be that way, not even needing to talk just being content in each others company. They were still holding on to each like it was only them against the world, only there little fingers holding each other together.  Little did they know they had made a promise that would affect the rest of their lives.

 

 


	2. There

When the bell finally rang at twenty five minutes past three, Phil almost sighed with relief as everyone started chatting and standing up, scrapping their chairs while Mr Anderton called for attention. When he finally got it everyone stood up and said the usual ‘thank you for teaching us’ malarkey before the run for the door began. Phil, in no real rush, just waited until they had all gone out before calmly making his way out, finally escaping the sweaty Religious Studies classroom.

You would have thought by Year Eleven some of the boys in Phil’s all-boys high school would have calmed down but it wasn’t surprising to Phil that they hadn’t. As the corridor filled up with the wild boys, Phil felt so alone, pulling his books closer to his chest as if he was the only mature one here. He still had Dan, and even if he had new better friends in his class, they would still talk and get the bus home occasionally.

Dan was so much more popular than Phil, he played rugby and starred in so many school plays. All Phil did was give his opinion on books to the librarian and eat lunch alone while reading. Phil didn’t hold a grudge: promises can’t last forever, Phil rationalised, and he was happy with his books for friends. Books didn’t abandon you the moment they were read by new people.  

It was at that moment a Year Eight kid ran into the back of him nearly making him fall over. Most people would shout but Phil just adjusted his shoulder bag and kept walking. Maybe in an all-girls school or a co-ed school it would be different and he could happily read his book in the library without being called a nerd or be respected. However here, in this world of mad hooligans, he would just have to learn to put up with it.

It wasn’t long before Phil made it out of the school building into the worsening British weather. It was neither snow nor rain but came down in a mushy sleet never staying long enough for it to be worth having. Plus when the wind blew it might as well just have been raining. It was through this half snow Phil trudged out towards the school gate alone until he heard someone shouting his name.

“Phillip!” It was clear above all the noise of the boys. Phil made the mistake of turning round and coming face-to-face with Toby, his personal tormentor and devil.

"It's Phil." Phil spoke curtly, turning back around in an attempt to escape.

"Now -- not so fast, Lester." Toby smirked, grabbing Phil's shoulder, making him turn back to face him. "I wasn't finished with you."

"If you'll excuse me, I have a bus to catch." Phil politely reflected. It didn't help that Toby's friends were already walking up towards them both, surrounding them, while passers-by scuttled around them, pretending to not notice what was going on.

"No, this business is much more important than a bus. You owe me something?" Toby grinned.

"What might that be?"

"Shall we take this inside? And I when I say ‘shall’, I mean ‘will’, faggot." Toby threatened, gripping on Phil's arm. Phil didn’t even put up a fight when they dragged him inside. Phil had learned many things in high school, the most important one being the more of a fight you put up, the more they would fight back. No one tried to stop them, no one tried to get a teacher.

Toby pulled him by his arm while one of his friends pushed Phil from behind now and then as they walked toward the PE block.

Once inside one of the changing rooms away from prying teachers and students eyes one of them kicked the back of his legs making Phil fall to the ground, whimpering a bit at the pain.

“This is what you deserve, queer, and what you owe me: a good punching bag.” Toby sneered as he let loose the first kick to Phil’s stomach. The red-hot pain was blinding and Phil felt like throwing up there and then.

“The queer deserves it after what he did to Jamie,” Toby glared as he stood back, taking in what had happened before kicking Phil again harder in the leg. Soon after that, all the boys joined in. It was only short but it was brutal for Phil who had never taken a hit in a long time, each kick fueling Phil’s own anger before he flung himself to try and gain something back from it.

He writhed around, trying to look up at the boys kicking him before blindly lashing out at something. A short shout rang out and the boys stopped, and Phil slowly raised his head. Henry Thomson stood looking down at the blood covering his hands as his nose bled profusely. He was turning white at the sight of it running down his hand and dripping onto the floor. The other boys stood shocked looking from Phil to Henry to Toby.

“You’ll pay for this, Lester,” Toby sneered before kicking Phil one last time in the balls making him cripple over in excruciating pain. All Phil could hear was the boys clatter around for a minute in and out of the bathroom before finally leaving.

The gripping pain in Phil’s stomach was worse than ever as he let go of his crotch once the pain started to fade. He was still sprawled out across the hard floor, afraid to move. Many of his joints were already stiffening. Sitting up simply caused a pounding headache and the room swayed for a second before coming back into focus. Phil used his arms to drag himself to the nearest wall, leaning against the cool brick, the sweat from the fight already starting to dry. The sick feeling was threatening to rise when he heard a small cough from the inter-joined room.

“Who’s there?” Phil whispered in a weak voice straining to see round the corner which was blocked by a shoe rack. There was a sigh before they walked round the corner brown eyes glistening with guilt.

“Hey, Phil,” Dan stammered, trying to smile but failing. He was dressed in the school’s sports kit looking the same as always. Same face, hairstyle, even the way he stood up hadn’t changed. It’s not like Phil never saw him but he never had time to look or talk to him.

“What the bloody hell are you doing here, Dan?” Phil mumbled looking up through his tear-stained eyes.

“Well unknown to your tormentors some of us actually still do PE.” He tried to laugh but couldn’t.

“Do you need any help?”

“Well it might have helped at the time. Wait, were you there the whole damn time?” Phil accused.

“Maybe.”

“You could have done something!” Phil shouted. There was silence again before Dan looked down at the ground. “What happened to our promise?”

“What promise?” Dan asked, confused.

“ _I promise to always be there, To always care_ … all that. When did the ‘forever’ bit change because you weren’t fucking there when I needed you.” Phil retorted, not even bothering to look up at Dan anymore.

“Things change…” Dan admitted.

“That doesn’t stop you from being a fucking good person.”

“Hey I didn’t want to get beat up-”

“-Neither did I!” Phil fumed.

“I didn’t say you did.” Dan quietly replied, shuffling his feet. “What did you even do to them?”

“I dated one of their friends who dated me for a dare and ended up getting beaten up by his mum for it.” Phil explained.

“Well, shit.” Dan empathised.

“Shit indeed, and now I am probably going to get beat up again for that bloody nosebleed.”

“I wish I could help.” Dan stammered, going to move closer to inspect Phil’s bruises that were already starting to form.

“Well, if you’d wanted too, you could have. Just go,” Phil dismissed Dan, pushing him back. Dan stood shocked for a moment before understanding and leaving Phil alone in the bathroom.

It was the next day before there was any more trouble. Phil had been trying to convince his mum to let him stay at home, claiming he was ill. However his mum wasn't having it, so here he was, hiding in the library after school, hoping he wouldn't bump into anyone.

His bruises had now developed into lovely shades of blue and purple, painful to touch and scattered all over his body. He'd tried covering the worst visible ones but most of them were on his stomach so thankfully, were already hidden.

Phil had been wrapped up in his book, The Great Gatsby, secretly preparing for A-level English Literature as well as hiding from his bullies when he realised it had been long enough and the boys would have given up already if they were waiting around the school gates to give him another beating. He checked the book out of the library, as his own copy along with a lot of his other possessions had been stolen on top of the beating he got from the boys. Who knows why they would want to steal books when most of them claimed they didn’t give a fuck about reading.

Down the stairs and out of the building, he decided it might be wise to leave by the back gate in case the boys were still looking out at the front. He was heading out when he saw Dan entering the PE block waving at him, Phil waved back, distracted, not realising the person he bumped into.

"Hey, Phil, care to step inside?" Henry requested threateningly, grabbing his hand and twisting it behind his back. Henry and another one of the boys had been sitting there waiting -- of course they would have gone to the trouble of covering each gate. Henry was beaming as he led Phil into the changing rooms again while the other texted them all to meet up.

As they entered, some of them were already there and Phil was flung to the floor as they surrounded him, waiting for the others to come. Phil crawled into the corner, holding his bag over his chest and looking down at the ground, accepting his fate.

Finally, the last of them arrived with Toby, a grin plastered on his face.

"Hello, Phil. Ready for our revenge?" He smiled, his eyes crinkling at the excitement of it. Phil didn't say a word but his face and eyes were frozen with resilience and cold hatred, and all it took was Toby to make the first kick for his face to shatter.

Phil curled up, almost ready to accept his fate when Toby raised his arm to hit him. Phil couldn't look; he closed his eyes bracing himself but it didn't come. Instead, he heard the shocked gasps of the boys and a soft thud into something. Phil looked up tentatively and saw Dan standing over him. He had taken the punch for him, Toby hitting Dan in the face.

"A teacher is on their way," Dan threatened menacingly. There was a moment of silence before the boys scattered, some running out into the corridor or out of the back door. It only took a moment until Dan and Phil were alone and Dan relaxed, turning round to look at Phil, dropping down to his knees to check him over.

"You okay, Phil?" Dan asked, looking at him in the face, his lingering look leaving Phil reassured yet vulnerable to Dan. Phil lifted his hand up turning Dan's face so he could see it more clearly. It was already to bruise around Dan's eye where he had been hit.

"You didn't have too," Phil quietly whispered as Dan flinched at his touch.

"Yes I did. The teacher will be here soon by the way," Dan smiled gently helping to sit Phil up. "See Phil. I promised to be there."

Phil at that point pulled Dan into a bear hug, and Dan carefully embraced Phil's broken self. Both had not noticed the tears rolling down their cheeks but it didn't matter as they carried on hugging. Dan holding onto the shattered pieces of Phil and the promise holding them together, not wanting to ever let go of them again.


	3. Care

Dan sighed, pushing his fringe off his face again. He scrunched his face up into a little ball of concentration, staring at the textbook whose words were too blurry to read. Dan rubbed his eyes, trying to blink away the sleep even though they were already closing. Why did the law exams have to be tomorrow? If he had remembered, he wouldn't have stayed up until three the night before. His exam was literally in 10 hours’ time and he had spent no time preparing for this very important test.

It didn't help that the background music of Spyro was playing as Phil sat enjoying himself, drowning out Dan's thoughts. Phil was giggling at the TV, having a ball compared to Dan, who was in the depths of despair.

As content as Dan was closing his eyes and giving into sleep’s temptation, he opened them to stare at these words he wasn’t taking in or even cared too. Maybe he should just move to his room to escape distractions, but he decided against it, preferring not to get up.

Overall, things had turned out great for their friendship which had only blossomed from high school. And here they were five years on, sharing a flat while Dan was studying law at university. Phil, being the clever clogs he is, had already gotten his university degree and had found his dream job. Who would have thought making videos on the Internet would turn into a career?

Dan wished he could be as certain as Phil was with his choices. Although he did make videos for the Internet, he couldn't give up on attaining a more normal and secure job. It was simple in his mind that he needed something to fall back on. So here he was: his exam happening tomorrow morning and he hadn’t revised at all yet.

Why hadn’t his past self realised what this could mean? He had attained good grades in high school, but this was the real world, and this was an important test.

For what felt like the fifth time in a row, Dan tried to read the boring and mind numbing law book, but his mind was distracted halfway down the page by Phil’s giggles.

Dan, slightly annoyed, tried to find where he had been reading, realising that he hadn’t absorbed any of the information. He attempted to read the same page again.

Phil was blissfully content and didn’t notice Dan’s growing frustration and more furrowed forehead, concentrated in his game.

Dan was just sat there reading the same piece of fucking bullshit over and over, but his mind was becoming more focused on hating Phil at that moment, his anger bubbling like a pot that’s been on the stove too long. Every couple of seconds Dan would look up at Phil who was having a great time compared to him. Sometimes he wished so badly to be Phil and not have a fucked-up life.

He was just reading the same word over and over again: ‘responsible’. That was what Phil was and what he wasn’t. If it had been Phil, he wouldn’t need to cram as he would already know it all. He would have revised and not wasted time on making stupid twatty videos all summer. Phil was a responsible adult and he was just a stupid child.

He sat there staring at the words, not taking them in before he heard Phil laugh again. In a fit of anger and frustration he suddenly stood up, the anger that had been slowly filling him bubbling over.

“Agh! I’m not doing it!” Dan shouted, throwing his revision down on the table.

“What?” Phil asked, confused, looking up from his game.

“I’m not gonna do it,” Dan continued, teeth clenched and fists by his side as if someone would try and force the revision back into his hands.

“What?”

“No one can make me do it,” Dan stormed as if talking to himself.

“Dan what are you on about?” Phil was getting more worried now.

“That’s it, I’m not going.”

“Dan?”

“I’ve had enough, I don’t care anymore!” he gasped, exasperated.

“What aren’t you going to?” Phil, still confused, echoed, placing his controller down and fully turning to look at Dan.

Dan sighed before saying, “my exam.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not going.” Dan insisted, an edge to his voice.

“Dan, you have to go to your re-sit.”

“Not if I don’t give a  fucking fuck anymore I don’t!” Dan raged, throwing the rest of his revision on the ground.

Phil, scared, edged back a bit before Dan’s face crumpled and he began crying.

Phil had never seen him cry like this before: he covered his face as if embarrassed and his whole body folded in on himself like a house of cards that had finally collapsed.

“Dan, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Phil consoled him, running over and taking him in his arms in a hug. “I understand.”

“How could you possibly understand?” Dan blurted, pushing himself away from Phil and running out of the room. By the time Phil had followed, he had already locked himself in his room.

“Dan! Come out, please.” Phil coaxed.

“No!” Dan shouted through the door.

“You know, no one has it easy. We all make stupid decisions. It’s okay to not understand where to go. That’s how I understand. No one understands and that's what’s scary.” Phil replied through the door, trying to calm Dan down.

“Please come out Dan. I can’t fully talk to you until you do…. I have Maltesers hidden out here for emergencies if you want them.”

After a pause, Dan slowly opened the door and poked his head out, his fringe pushed into a quiff. “Do you really have maltesers?” Dan asked tentatively.

“Yeah, in the kitchen. Coming?” Phil smiled, gesturing for Dan to follow him. After another pause, Dan followed him.   
Phil put an arm around his shoulder and they trudged into the kitchen.

In the kitchen, Dan slumped down the counter until he was leaning against the oven, his head drooping onto his shoulder, tired from his outburst.

Phil fetches Dan some tissues, fumbling slightly, shaken from this sudden change from the relaxed evening he thought he would have.

“Here, Dan,” Phil hands the tissue box to Dan before sitting down next to him. He gently put his arm around Dan again, letting Dan’s head rest on his own shoulder.

“You know you don’t have to take Law if you don’t like it. No one is going to accuse you of being stupid or a failure, you just decide it’s not for you and we all make mistakes. I care for you Dan and I don’t like seeing the pressure you put on yourself when it doesn’t make you happy. Surely it’s better to be stressed doing something you love rather than something you hate.”

“I know,” Dan admitted quietly, “but why do you flipping care for me? You had every right to leave me alone after high school and pursue your own life but you stayed and cared for me. Why?”

“A promise I made over ten years ago I am not looking to break anytime soon,” Phil answered without missing a beat, “part of that was to care, and I like you Dan so why would I leave you alone in a time when you clearly need someone to help you.” Phil smiles. “Well, how’s about I get you some chocolate?”

“Okay,” Dan agreed, nodding his head, letting Phil get up. “So I wasted all my time at uni basically?”

“No, not really. You’ve learned so many important lessons, not just about law. It’s about the experiences: like you wouldn’t have moved out and grown independent if you hadn’t, or learned about cutting out unnecessary stress, prioritising, etcetera…” Phil advised, climbing up onto the kitchen counter and reaching up around hidden wombat, pulling down a box of Maltesers and cracking them open.

“I wouldn’t have ever guessed you would hide Maltesers up there,” Dan giggled, cheering up slightly at the prospect of Maltesers.

“I know, and now I’ll have to find a new hiding place. I also usually keep your birthday presents up there,” Phil added as he passed them down to Dan. 

“Do you want to play Spyro?” he asked after Dan had stuffed about five of them in his mouth at once. He took Dan’s nod and a grunt as a yes. He hastily swallowed them before pausing for a second, wrapped up in own thoughts.

“Of course, just give me a second.” Dan smiled weakly, a tear rolling down his cheek. “You are too good to me…”

“No, I always wish I could be better,” Phil whispered, crouching down to wipe the tear off Dan’s cheek. They paused for one of those rare infinite moments, which seem to last a lifetime, where nothing moves and everything maybe far from perfect but is perfect in that time frame. Just Dan and Phil staring each other before Phil slowly and tentatively closed the gap between their lips, both closing their eyes as if they had been expecting it.

It was far from perfect. Fireworks didn’t explode like you read about in books, but it was simple. Sometimes simplicity can be mind-blowing in a complex world.

Sadly, their little infinity collapsed, giving way to the laws of physics and reality. When Phil pulled back, he looked to the ground and gently took Dan’s hand in his, trying to hold onto a moment that had already passed. Dan blinked back at him before returning his pressure.

“How long have you been holding that in?” Dan breathed as Phil sidled up beside him, still holding his hands.

“Never -- just been waiting for the right moment,” Phil weakly smiled. “I knew it would happen for a long time.”

“So did I,” Dan hesitated before replying softly. There was another pause, like the break in a love song where the chord rang out, the words and sounds being processed.

“I care, Dan. More than I can truly say.”

“You don’t need to… you all ready have.”

“I still can try; I love you,” Phil finally says, turning his head to look back at Dan.

“That answers your question: I understand because I don’t  understand like you, we both don’t understand anything, especially about law and love. And I care because I love you, in its purest truest form; I always have. Whether it be like a friend, brother or something more, I always have and fear I will.”

“Fear?” Dan questioned, looking back at Phil.

“Love is completely exposing and scary, I can’t help it.” Phil explained.

“Oh,” Dan realised,  “well, I guess I am scared too. I’m giving you my love… We are both vulnerable.”

“Can you still remember the promise, Dan?”

“Yes… Do you want to renew it?” Dan suggested, and Phil nods. They turn to face each other on the kitchen floor on their knees, taking each others pinkie in the other’s.

 

“ _I promise to always be there,_  
 _To always care._  
 _I will always help you,_  
 _And know that I'll make mistakes too._ ”  

 

They did not declare it as they had before, but almost whispered, as if it was a secret more than a promise. It was theirs to keep.

They then wrapped each other in a hug, like ivy that couldn’t be torn apart. It was as if they were forming something like a marriage that couldn’t -- at least for this moment -- break. Everything was perfect for now.

“I love you,” Dan smiled, getting up and helping Phil up.

“I love you more.”

“I love you more than Maltesers.”

“Impossible.”

“Fine, I love you to the moon and back.”

“I love Lion more than you.”

“I love you, though.”

“And I love you…but I love Spyro more.”

“Now you’re just messing with me!”

“I love you. Happy?”

“Very.”

Their vocal love filled the gaps that had been missed before and would later.


	4. Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important this is a really dark chapter with self harm, depression, anxiety, blood and just horrible nasty thoughts so go carefully. Read it at your own risk.

It was one of those weeks for Phil, the ones where he felt like he was constantly drowning: tears bubbling at the sides of his eyes threatening to fall.

It wasn’t constant drowning, but there were those moments where he was sent plunging headfirst into the waters of self-hatred.

In his head, he couldn’t fully say it was depression, anxiety or panic attacks, but waves of his inner monologue turning to attacking him. Maybe even a weird combination of all of them with depression attacks, depression anxiety and just... panic attacks. No two drownings were the same.

Dan had noticed it was one of those weeks, but Phil being Phil hadn’t explained it, claiming he just needed some time alone as he wasn’t feeling well, which was technically true. And of course, Dan, being a caring boyfriend, had done just that. He was perfect like that in Phil’s mind.

“Phil, can I come in?” Dan requested, knocking on Phil’s bedroom door.

“Yeah, sure.” Phil replied after checking his book of tally marks was hidden. Dan cautiously opened the door. He was dressed up and ready to go out, shoes already on and phone in hand.

“Just checking again; you definitely don’t feel up for doing the radio show tonight before I head out to the studio? Not to push you,” he smiled, wandering over and sitting on the end of the bed.

“No, no… I don’t feel well at all… Sorry to leave you by yourself on there and all…” Phil mumbled, pulling the covers closer, making sure they completely wrapped around his arms.

“It’s fine, Phil… you just try and get some sleep.” Dan smiled tightly, kissing Phil on the forehead gently before getting up. “I’ve got to go, the taxi is here. See you later."

“See you, Dan.” Phil smiled as Dan left, closing the door behind him. It only took a moment until Phil heard the main door close behind Dan as well.

Phil sighed, rolling over and curling up tighter in the covers. He didn’t even like being in bed when he was feeling this way. His favourite place was the small space of his wardrobe -- small spaces being a better place to deal with all his emotions, knowing he was all there.

Phil sat up and stretched his muscles, feeling a hundred years old from all the lying down. _Well, if you exercised more and were a better fucking human being it wouldn’t feel like that._ His mind had yet again whipped out at him for the smallest of things, no bother, he had already learnt to ignore petty comments.

Maybe a sandwich or some secret cereal eating might help; he didn’t have to hide from anyone now he was alone in the house. Although he loved Dan and his fans it was nice to be alone sometimes, today was one of those days he didn’t want to step into the spotlight.

After snacking on maybe too much cereal, Phil headed back to his room, lighting the candles on his table before crawling back into his bed. He couldn’t even watch the radio show yet as it didn’t start for another couple of hours.

It was then the book caught his eye, the book of tally marks. It had been a while since he counted especially since the beginning of this wave cycle. So he sat and counted the number of times he had had the drowning sessions, sitting there tallied on the page. The new total was fifty six in the space of two years, something he was always was convincing himself was normal. They were spaced out: it wasn’t constant and didn’t fit into any categories of mental health. They were just his 'down in the dumps' days.

The room was starting to smell of candy canes and apples due to the different candles he had already lit, but despite the lovely smells, it didn't improve the churning in his stomach. Trying to distract himself from the growing pain in his stomach, he logged on to Tumblr and tried scrolling through the endless content but it didn’t feel right. His leg was twitching as it usually did but it was faster and more urgent.

Maybe it was the sudden sharp stomach churn, or the feeling that maybe because he wasn’t going to be on the radio show the second time in a year might get him fired was the cause.He gasped, stomach tightening, tears forming like he had been shouted at. Well, someone was -- in his head.

 

_You’re PATHETIC, You’re USELESS and NOW LOOK! You're having another wave because of it! You are shit. Pure shit, you little fucker. Why are you even still here? You can’t even pull yourself together to go to work. Dan can handle it though, because he is BETTER THAN YOU! You’ll lose your job and fan base. You're shit and you know it, utter rubbish._

 

With each word, more tears are poured out as his fear of himself consumed him, his own thoughts turning against him as he gasped for air. Each breath was choking him as he sobbed; trying to breath normally.

 

_I don’t even need to say these things because you know, deep inside of you, that this is all your fault. You know it. You do. If you weren’t such a burden, it wouldn’t be like this. You’re going to lose your job, and Dan, and your fans, everything. And you deserve it, you piece of shit. You fuck. You bitch. You waste of space._

 

Drowning was the only way he could explain it as he gasped for more air, his whole body shaking with his sobs.

 

_To die drowning in your own tears -- how poetic._

 

He tried to stand up and run away from it all. From the smell of candy canes and apples, the smell covering up the sadness and fear in his room. The smell of drowning. He stumbled, still shaking, down the hall, falling at one point on his knees from the lack of air. He was outside the bathroom and he crawled inside, and into the bathtub.

 

_Trying to escape your own head? You really are an idiot. You're the one causing this. Just tell yourself to stop, wimp. You fucker. You piece of shit._

 

Heart raising and his vision blurry from the tears and dizziness, he blindly reached out to the side of the bath. Something… Anything that could distract him now would be good.

 

_You faggot, you piece of shit, you fucker, you asshole, you twat. You will lose everything._

 

It was all too much and he felt like he was about to pass out when he finally felt what he was looking for. He had found his razor. His thoughts were so clouded and without even thinking, he kneeled up over the plug, yanked up his sleeve and cut. One slice, two slices, three slices. For every insult he sliced until one by one the thoughts disappeared.

 

_You faggo...*slice*... You piece of....*slice*.... you fucke….*slice*_

 

His heart rate slowed and his shaking stopped until he was left staring at his slowly-bleeding arm. Those marks joined the literal tally marks across his arm. He never meant to hurt himself but he wasn’t a fighter, he just wanted to leave.

Phil was recovering and slowly eased himself out the bath towards the mirror. His normally pale face was worse than usual and although his arm wasn’t bleeding too much, the bath was stained with it. He turned on the tap, hissing when he stuck his arm under. He left it there for a while before going into the kitchen and wrapping some kitchen roll around it. When he peeled it off, he inspected the damage.

He had at least five new cuts with many smaller ones added to the comrade of thin white scars on his arm. Thank goodness it was jumper season. It was only recently he had turned to using the razor so no one had noticed as he always wore jumpers or long sleeve tops. They would heal over at least.

Phil returned to bed, now exhausted and looked at the time on his laptop and noticed it wasn’t long before the Radio show, so he made a mark in his tally book before waiting for the live stream to start. The candles were still burning but he was too tired to get up and blow them out.  Soon enough it started and Phil finally started to relax.

Dan was fine without him and his voice was so calming and soothing all his worries melted away. No wonder he didn’t want to tell him and be a burden of misery to this ray of sunshine. He stumbled up at one point to blow out the candles before falling asleep on his bed, Dan’s voice filling his head.

* * *

Phil was woken up by Dan’s loud shouts as he burst into the room. Yawning, Phil looked up and uncurled looking at the time, it was eleven at night still.

“Jesus, Phil, are you okay? There was blood in the bathtub and I thought someone had murdered you while I was out.” Dan panted from having ran up the stairs.

“Um… I’ve been asleep; I don’t know what you're talking about.” Phil lied badly, mentally hitting himself for not cleaning the bathtub.

“Are you sure you're not injured?” Dan asked, going to pull back the covers.

“I am fine, Dan.” Phil replied, forcefully gripping the covers tighter to his chest. His stupid sleeves were rolled up, if the cover were to come off...

“Phil, you don’t have to hide secrets from me, you know.” Dan said softly, sitting on the end of Phil’s bed.

“I know that, Dan.” Phil acknowledged, still keeping the duvet close to his chest.

“Then tell me what’s wrong. Have you been throwing up blood? Did you injure yourself while having a shower? Phil, you have to talk to me, I am your friend and boyfriend and I care about you. You’ve been acting weird and I need to know what to do to make that happy little grin return.” Dan comforted Phil, taking Phil’s hand in his own, tracing little circles in his palm.

Neither of them notice the cover slip off Phil’s arm as Dan picked it up for a second, until Dan was staring at it in disbelief. As soon as Phil noticed, he pulled back his arm under the cover but it was too late.

“Shit shit shit… Phil, I knew you were bad but not that bad…” Dan trailed off, not believing what he was seeing. Phil pulled the covers over his head, hiding as if it would help. “No no no, Phil, it’s okay.” Dan said, noticing his mistake

“I know I’m fucking useless but I don’t need to hear it from you!” Phil shouted, his voice muffled by the covers.

“No, you are perfect, Phil. I just meant... How have I missed the signs of this... Let me see. Please.” Dan pleaded, shuffling up the bed, lifting the covers at the corner. Phil’s pale scarred arm came out tentatively, trembling slightly.

Dan carefully turned it over, being careful not to touch any of the fresh cuts. He examined every last little new and old cut before letting go of Phil’s arm as it slid back into his fortress walls.

“Phil…Can we talk about this? I don’t think any of them will be infected but I want to make sure, I have some stuff in the cupboard. Let me help you.” Dan suggested.

“Why should I?” Phil asked, snapping a bit.

Dan sighed before clearing his throat. “I made a promise to a little boy, a best friend, a boyfriend a long time ago saying I would always help him. I can’t help you professionally but I can help you get through this. I can help you carry this burden. I can help you by getting you that professional help. I can help by being a friend who is there for you. But I can help first and foremost by cleaning your cuts.”

It took a moment for Dan’s words to sink in before Phil started to slowly come out from under the cover. Dan waited until he stood up before joining him, giving him a hug and a little peck on the cheek, slowly leading him into the kitchen. His arm around Phil’s waist guiding him.

 


	5. Mistakes

It was later that night Dan creeped into the flat, the party having gone on longer than he anticipated. Phil was thankfully already in bed in his own room which meant Dan could leave without too much attention.

The door creaked as Dan slowly snuck in, his phone clock reading half one. He didn’t even take of his shoes as he walked up the hundreds of stairs up to their flat, clinging slightly to the stair rail for support.

Luckily he was passing the bathroom when he started throwing up, the sick splattering against the toilet seat and basin. After a further couple of minutes of leaning over the toilet, his stomach was done pumping his insides out and he sighed in relief.

Not even flushing the toilet as he left, Dan fumbled, splashing some cold water on his face, trying to make his pale reflection change. It didn’t help, his guilty expression didn’t even change.

Behind the toilet door he pulled one of their many suitcases out of the mountain of precariously piled objects, trying not to make a sound, which he failed to do. They came clattering down, nearly hitting Dan, but his reactions kicked in eventually.

He plodded up the stairs with the suitcase, trying to drag it while also keeping quiet. When he got into his room he only rested for a second, trying to stop himself from throwing up again, before he tried to put all of his valuables and clothes in the suitcase, failing because of the multitude of them. He and Phil had just collected so many beautiful gifts and objects they simply wouldn’t fit in one suitcase.

He decided to leave anything he would not need straight away, thinking he could come back later for them, despite the potential confrontation with Phil.

Shortly after that he was done packing and ready to leave. He felt slightly guilty just abandoning Phil without a goodbye, maybe he should go give Phil one of those romantic kisses on the forehead before he left, but knowing himself he would probably trip and wake him.

However that thought quickly evaporated as Dan pulled the suitcase out into the corridor to find Phil standing in his bedroom door looking Dan straight in the eye.

“What are you doing?” Phil asked lovingly yawning as he leaned against his bedroom door, arms crossed and glasses on crooked.

“Running away.” Dan bluntly announced.

“You sound like a child... Why? Why are you running away?”

“Because!” Dan shouted.

“You’re drunk Dan.” Phil stated. “Come and just lie down and we can talk about it in the morning.”

“No! I’ve done a bad thing so now I must leave.” his speech slurring slightly as he tried to move.

“Dan! Look at me.” Phil exclaimed, grabbing Dan round the shoulder and turning Dan around to look Phil directly in the eye. “You are drunk. Your breath stinks of it. Let's go to bed and deal with it in the morning.”

“But I’ve done something bad… You don’t deserve me…” Dan tried explaining and in his confusion he started to cry a bit.

“Dan, I love you and we can deal with it when you are sober. Shh, it's all okay.” Phil replied as Dan wrapped his arms around Phil, letting his suitcase fall to the floor, his tears soaking Phil’s pajamas. “God, you are wasted.” He then muttered under his breath.

“No, I have to go... I cheated on you.” Dan blubbered, choking on his words. Paralysed, Phil was overwhelmed for a second. 'Shocked' was the only word he could process but then he shook his head and stepped back from Dan.

“In the morning.” Phil mumbled, leading Dan into Phil’s own room. “Come on, let's get these dirty clothes off… Have you been sick? There’s vomit on your clothes.” Dan only sniffed in response.

“Into bed, Dan…” Phil yawned as he lifted the bed cover up, inviting Dan into his bed.

“Are you sure?” Dan asked. “After all I did…”

“Yes I am; get your ass down here and go to sleep.” Phil groaned, tiredness overpowering him. Dan reluctantly climbed in bed beside Phil and was soon fast asleep and snoring.

At least he was emotional drunk and not his usual sexual predator drunk Phil thought as he started dozing off, confused to what drunk Dan had said. His thoughts were a spider web of possibilities he couldn’t untangle.

* * *

Phil dreamed of spiders that night.

He was in the club with Dan as he kissed every person in sight, rubbing it in Phil’s face before spiders burst into the room and wrapped them all up while one played the banjo, singing all the time. While they matched Phil’s thoughts, they didn’t make sense.

Phil woke up first, untangling himself from Dan’s arms and leaving the room to have a shower and breakfast. He sneaked back in quietly, getting his clothes. Dan was asleep trying to find Phil’s warm body but settled on Phil’s pillow instead as Phil sneaked back out the room.

When Dan woke up to the smell of pancakes, he was regretting his alcohol consumption. Phil thankfully had the sense to set a bucket down by the side of the bed which Dan promptly threw up into. When Phil brought in Dan’s breakfast, he didn’t comment on the vomit as he handed Dan the pancakes, acknowledging Dan’s 'thank you' before he took the bucket to empty it.

Dan was grateful for Phil’s effort and forced the pancakes down despite his still churning stomach and pounding headache. And Dan being Dan sung ‘Stronger’ along to to the beat in his head like any true Kanye fan would. He was only to the second chorus when Phil returned, chuckling at Dan’s passionate singing.

“Well, it’s amazing to see we have good old Dan back. Had fun last night?” Phil asked, returning the bucket to where it had been before.

“Yeah, it was okay, I did drink a bit much didn’t I?” Dan said sheepishly.

“A bit? You were practically willing to run away when I found you.” Phil exclaimed as he picked up Dan’s empty plate.

“Yeah… I’m sorry about having to deal with that, with this.” Dan apologized gesturing to himself.

“Don’t ever apologize for yourself. And honestly it's fine.” Phil smiled as he left to put the plate away.

“Wait -- I feel like I owe you an explanation.” Dan called out.

“Is it something that will make me want to smash a plate?”

“Possibly.”

“I’ll put this in the dishwasher first then.” Phil declared as he dashed to put the plate away. Maybe this could help him untangle the spider web he was trapped in.

When he returned Dan was sat up on the side of the bed getting dressed. For a moment Phil caught a glimpse of Dan’s naked chest before it was covered in black. It was these little moments Phil treasured, when Dan literally took his breath away.

Dan coughed, dragging Phil away from his daydreams. Phil walked in and sat down beside Dan. They didn’t talk, but sat for a moment in silence not looking at each other. Silence speaks louder than words. It was different from their previous silences, it was comfortable but tense.

“So erm… I don’t know where to begin.” Dan sighed.

“The beginning.”

“Well, there was a big bang and the universe was created…”

“The beginning of the night.” Phil interrupted. At least Dan still had his sense of humour.

“Well I… as you know it was a party for an old family friend and I didn’t know too many people there apart from a couple including a very old friend Tabitha who I had last seen when we were five. And it was a party so there was drinks so I had a couple and I was fine that was until I don’t really remember but I kept getting more drinks for some reason.

So I kept drinking and drinking until I was drunk… but then everyone was. It was all so surreal, there was people grinding against me and you know what I am like when I am drunk… I encouraged it.”  Tears were already starting to leak from Dan’s eyes as he stuttered on.

“I was grinding against everyone and everything. Then Tabitha was there grinding up against me in this tight mix of hot sweaty bodies and somewhere in my mind I thought I should kiss her and we did. A lot. We made out in one of the corners intensely… and now I feel so awful but at the time I enjoyed it. What with the alcohol, good company, music, everyone kissing… I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it.” And he nearly threw up again. The pancakes not staying as well as he wished and Phil passed him the bucket but he kept it in.

“We didn’t have sex but I remember her wanting to do things. It wasn’t until we finished and I stumbled out the bar I felt reason kick in a bit. Shit Phil, you don’t deserve me and that’s all I could think. So I decided to leave. …” Dan trailed off; he didn’t sob but tears trickled down his face, sorrow etched on his face.

“I can understand if you want me to leave, pathetic me with a shit sob story. I’m not worth your sunshine. I’m not good Phil. I’m shit...utter shit. Just leave me.” Dan concluded, his voice much more stone cold and serious. The tears had stopped flowing, and he waited almost expecting the worst.

Throughout all of this Phil had been calm, listening carefully despite the thought of this Tabitha kissing Dan. Even now that Dan was crying, his actions were slow and calm as stood up to hand Dan a tissue from the bedside table. He knelt in front of Dan and passed it to him, gently hugging him, rubbing little circles into his back.

“Dan…” Phil whispered quietly as Dan sat there, reluctantly wrapping his arms around Phil, scared of the potential rejection. “You do quite the opposite to me. You drive me wild… You are amazing, don’t ever call yourself anything less. I did and it wasn’t a good time for me. You haven’t changed, you still love me. We all make mistakes but we learn from them and you have clearly.”

“How can you forgive me -- could you forgive me? I would be so jealous and….” Dan stuttered, his cold expression shattering into confusion as he pulled back, looking Phil straight in the face.

“Because I made a promise over twenty years ago to you that we would be friends forever and in that I said we understand we make mistakes. We’ve both made so many but that’s never stopped us. I love you Dan… and I can’t hold it in.”

Phils’ brow furrowed for a second before he reached for the bedside table, pulling the drawer out. “I know it’s not the most romantic setting. I had a big plan but this will do, it’s memorable enough as it is…”

He fumbled around still on his knees as he reached to the back of the drawer before pulling out a small silver box. “Shit Dan… I love you so much. We knew we would make mistakes but I would never forgive myself if I made the mistake of letting you go. Would you do the honour of making an eternal pinkie promise?” Phil smiled, nearly in tears as he open the box to reveal a gold ring.

Dan sat stunned for a second, looking at Phil and back to the ring and back again in disbelief. “Fucking hell, Phil… Yes… Fuck yes…” Dan shouted tears appearing in his eyes as he pulled Phil in for the most romantic kiss he could.

It tasted salty, bittersweet, and no, it wasn’t perfect, but it showed something more. That this wasn’t the end but only the beginning of a story with years to go. It turns out a promise can go a long way as they finally felt complete. The feeling of acceptance and a life together was better than fireworks.

“Here -- put it on.” Phil finally said when they pulled apart. He slipped the ring on Dan’s finger and Dan saw what Phil had got engraved.

“Pinkie Promise.” Dan read aloud almost laughing at the cheesiness of it.

“Like I said, I’m not very creative.” Phil smiled, fondly remembering that night.

“Do you want to renew it?” Dan asked quietly, looking up into Phil’s eyes.

“Yes, but after this not until the wedding day.” Phil suggested.

“Good by me.” Dan chuckled as he sat down on the floor beside Phil, delicately taking Phil’s pinkie in his own.

“ _I promise to always be there,_  
 _To always care._  
 _I will always help you,_  
 _And know that I'll make mistakes too._ ”

They savored the moment, after all, it would be a while until they would find each other holding pinkies again. But time has an annoying habit of buttting in as Phil broke away from it.

“I suspect you would like something for your headache?” Phil asked as he helped Dan back into his bed.

“How did you know about my headache?” Dan questioned, confused.

“You always sing Stronger when you do.” Phil grinned as he got up to leave.

“Phil…” Dan said suddenly stopping Phil in his tracks. “I’ll always be here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOOH! That's it folks I am afraid. I hope you liked it and if you have any questions of comments please let me know and I will do my best to answer them. Criticism is welcome, it how I become a better writer. 
> 
> Again thanks to my beta Charlie and artist Daniel, their links are below and thank you for reading it! 
> 
> Don't forget to check out the awesome artwork by Daniel here: http://starrynightdaniel.tumblr.com/post/130409426527/this-is-the-art-i-made-for-this-amazing-story-for  
> and the bonus little playlist of songs: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHteWXLkw2LlWP7vEHlDQDRLUonCwJHxp
> 
> Author: @lestericalphan (on tumblr, wattpad and twitter)  
> Artist: @starrynightdaniel (http://starrynightdaniel.tumblr.com/)  
> Beta: @asianellenpage (http://asianellenpage.tumblr.com/)


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